- Regina Collins
The Real Fight - Angry Words - Part 10
Anger can and does have a significant impact on the way we speak to others! More than often we act now and think later! Anger and hurt prevents us from fully processing the words that come out of our mouth!
Angry words make us irrational. It clouds our judgement and we end up making incorrect decisions and assumptions! It may be our past experiences of anger are negative and expressed in hurtful ways. However in Ephesians it says while in your anger but DO NOT SIN...Is it possible to feel anger and express it without "sin"?
We learn anger and some of us learned anger at the feet of our upbringing. To fight is "normal" in some families and they grew up not having a clue how to navigate differences or manage conflict, expect by escalating.
Did you know that there are studies that have found that anger can significantly increases memory error?? Anger and the words that follow causes us to "blank out".
Some deal with anger by suppressing it. We put anger on hold, suppressing it, but eventually it comes out in other ways. This is called passive aggressive behavior. Passive aggressive behavior is when one person is subtly aggressive towards another. Their aim is to punish or retaliate to a perceived wrong. Using passive aggressive actions rather than communicating with words their dissatisfaction.
We are taught that showing anger is unacceptable, and wrong. Deep down inside, we somehow begin to feel that not only are our actions wrong, but we are wrong!
Why do we become angry? Anger slowly simmers when we become annoyed. For example like at a restaurant if our service is taking too long. The longer the wait, the more chance our annoyance will spill out in angry words of dissatisfaction. Here angry words can spill out in an indignant tone. Simple little words that may be sugar coated, but none the less, we get the message across. It takes a lot of maturity to be able to deliberate before speaking and acting!! A wisdom that has matured into understanding. A wise heart considers a matter carefully and reacts only when necessary!
The angry world needs us, the peacemakers! Be like God because we are His own dear children!
To get a bigger picture of anger, lets look at some synonyms: Annoyed, enraged, furious and impassioned...just to name a few. Annoyance is when you are bothered by someone or something. Here we see our triggers and coping skills. How do we handle these exasperated situations? Our words in these circumstances reveal who we are in all our daily hassles and inconveniences.
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. Proverbs 15:18
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
Anger that is described as furious is more frantic. Our words here have become downright "done with the situation" and all you are left with are angry words filled with fury! This release of words comes with high energy and intense emotions! Unrestrained words will fly out with great speed. These angry words will pass eventually, however these mean, rage-filled words can and will do great harm for life! They will haunt you and remain in your identity. There are many key phrases in our world of being angry. Phrases like; "what a pain", "its driving me up a wall" and "I have had about all I can take". These are clues that tell you that you are about to go AWOL. You become truant and your words will neglect all common sense.
Another side to angry words you may experience is that angry people can feel that the anger entitles them to let loose. It is then up to others to not take the hurtful things said too seriously. So listen carefully and do not react. Pay attention, because out of anger it can be really what they have been dying to tell you all along. Granted this is not a solid assessment, and happens rarely.
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21
Just because you are angry or up against angry words, does not mean you have the right to be cruel. Angry words can quickly turn into abusive words! You will eat the fruit of your words whether it is life or death. In Proverbs 15:1 it tells us that a soft answer can turn away wrath (anger), but a harsh word stirs it up. A soft answer means to speak kindly. "Soft" is a word that can sometimes have a negative connotation associated with weakness. But that is not the case. Anything that can turn away wrath sounds strong to me! A soft answer is a wise choice! Soft is being tenderhearted, to be soft is to have a disciplined soul and a skilled listener. This turns away anger. That to me sounds like a mighty tool for your toolbox! A soft answer neutralizes a potential or explosive situation. Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Our words are too the peacemakers. Blessed are the peacemakers, our words should promote and inspire peace! It takes great forethought to take on a role of a peacemaker!
In Proverbs 22:24 it tells us not to make friends with a man that given to anger or to go with a wrathful man! Some people are just angry, they are happy with their angry self. They can even enjoy it and it has become a "power-trip" for them. Some are reluctant in their angry ways. You will hear them say, "don't jerk my chain and I wont become angry". They are threatening you with statements like, "I can not let you get away with that". They are hot tempered human beings, mad at the world, filled with anger of all injustices! A temper is not something you lose, it is something you have to throw away!
A puffer fish when threatened will blows themselves up to twice their size to look more intimidating. Just like angry people who are feeling threatened. They feel the need to protect themselves and their "turf". They in turn will display their puffer abilities, telling those around them to back off. It is impressive, scary and it works. We end up walking on eggshells.
Oh the excuses to be angry are many, we blame stress, exhaustion, worries and the list goes on and on. All you are doing is giving yourself permission to be an angry jerk! Again, frustration is a anger trigger. Angry people just can not deal with frustrations. It is a signal that they are being challenged. Our best laid plans get set aside and we make mistakes or get side tracked and our frustrations just blow up!
Life always seems to become a competition and we want to win and it does not matter sometimes if we do what is right! Our status is at stake, we begin to take things personally and feel like we are losing our self-esteem! This is a tripping point of becoming angry at the world around us. Our words take on a new power driven by the power of our race in life.
Sometimes we find ourselves on the edge of anger, feeling irritable because of the inability to achieve something. We label our anger with more nuanced words like: disappointment, unimportant, hurt, forgotten, left out and more. All of these emotions energize our "already on the edge" anger and will push us into the act! We have somehow built it to a monument of our rejections. In simpler terms, it is that you are not getting what you want.
Angry words are uncontrolled words. Mouth diarrhea to be graphic. Angry words talk way too much. They find their way into gossip, lies and exaggerate any truth that might be! You CAN change your world by changing YOUR words! Even one word has the power to change your life! Technology has brought more words into our lives. No longer are words just what we hear, write or read. They have become what we create and how we react with the world around us. This is why The Real Fight is for OUR WORDS, the Word! We see all the current re-arranging of words and their definitions. All the hidden meanings, double meanings and re-defining from the smallest of words to the making of words to become evil and erased all together!
Words can change our relationships, our demeanor, our entire system of beliefs and even in our businesses! The meaning and value of words have become dependent on real-time demand. Our economy of words requires a sharp stewardism on our part.
His word is not only alive it is active; one word from God has the power to restore, replenish and revitalize! God's word is never void it is life giving and life changing. Our word is also alive and active!!! Controlling our tongues is about verbal control. It is about finding a better way to speak. Be angry but DO NOT SIN. Do not take it to a level of a weapon that can destroy!
Stop using your angry words as a weapon
Be angry without making excuses
Take responsibility for your emotions, actions and reactions
Learn to catch yourself
Learn to capture your thoughts
Learn to uncover the reasons that you are defensive
Learn what triggers you
The trick is to not let the anger trigger sinful behaviors. Triggers are stress responses and at this point it is safe to say it is better to not say anything at all! Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Do not give your angry words more time to develop.
Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ! 2 Corinthians 10:5